“Things You Don’t Say To Your Wife,” Marriage Survival Tips To The Tune Of Green Day.

Christian comedian Tim Hawkins is best known for putting his own twist on popular tunes, from being trapped in a gassy airplane cabin (“Dust In The Windâ€) to being a Walmart greeter in California (“Hotel Californiaâ€).

One of his more hilarious and timeless musical parodies was included in his “Full Range of Motion”DVD, which was released in 2007. In “Things You Don’t Say To Your Wife,” sung to the tune of Green Day’s “Time Of Your Life,” Hawkins offers solemn advice to men around the world about how to keep from being blacklisted by their wives.

theodysseyonline

Below are a few things Tim suggests you never, ever say to your wife:

Hey, honey, have you gained some weight in your rear end,
The dress you’re wearing reminds me of my old girlfriend,
And where’d you get those shoes, I think they’re pretty lame,
Would you stop talking cuz I’m trying to watch the game,
If you’re a man who wants to live a long and happy life,
These are the things you don’t say to your wife.

I’d say that’s some pretty solid advice.

youtube

With 14 years of marriage under his belt, Hawkins has picked up several other pointers for any man “who doesn’t want to get killed with a knife:” weight gain, of course, but also comparing her cooking with his mother’s, taping over their wedding video (with a fishing show, of all things), and buying her a treadmill for an anniversary gift. Yikes!

Check out the full list in the hilarious video below, and share to spread some laughs!