Mary Jane and Carl Gacono have been married for almost seventy years. Even though Mary Jane has suffered from dementia for the past ten, Carl continues to care for her as he vowed he would, decades earlier.
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In spite of his wife’s deteriorating mental state, Carl has managed to keep Mary Jane in their Annville, Pennsylvania home by taking care of her every need himself. While they have caretakers to help out during the week, most of the time Carl is on his own, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
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The couple’s daughter Becky Gacono chronicles her mother’s illness on her Facebook page, sharing how she and her siblings noticed the first signs that something was wrong all those years ago, and how the family is coping and trying to “fill her space with love” as more of her mind slips away over time.
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Though the family all pitch in to help out when they can, the bulk of the work falls squarely on Carl’s capable shoulders. At 88 years-old, Carl feels that taking care of Mary Jane is now his sole purpose in life.
“She dedicated her life to loving him and supporting him in all his dreams and being successful. I do think he feels that now it’s his turn. He never regrets a day that he has with her, I believed that wholeheartedly. But I do believe he’s tired, exhausted and doing the best he can.â€
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But one morning, Carl had a doctor’s appointment himself, for a change. Unable to take care of Mary Jane that morning, he called Becky to step in and help her mother through her morning routine. When Becky saw the pains Carl takes each day to get Mary Jane ready, plus keep her feeling safe and secure, she was infused with fresh respect for her father.
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“I went over in the morning to help her get ready because he was heading out,”Becky said. “That’s his morning routine: getting her to the bathroom, helping her shower, getting her dressed, getting her breakfast and then just being with her throughout the day.â€
As Carl described each step, he told Becky that one crucial step was getting Mary Jane’s jewelry just right. “Don’t forget the bracelet with the heart goes on the left with her watch,” he told her. “The other two bracelets go on the right.”
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“She likes to have her jewelry on,” Becky said. “Her necklaces and her bracelet and her watch, then on her other arm are her other bracelets. She brushes her hair and then after they’re done with all of that, they head out to eat breakfast together at the table.â€
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Becky further described the care her dad takes to get things just right:
“He shows me her turtleneck, her sweater and her pants. On the floor next to her outfit are her shoes with a pair of soft Mickey Mouse socks folded on top of her shoes. Her under garments are neatly laid across the back of her waiting wheelchair. He explains each undergarment. I tell him I got this and send him on his way. He keeps looking back to see if he forgot to tell me anything else I will need to know. His love for her is palpable.”
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Becky says that keeping everything in order is very important when dealing with those with dementia. Sticking to a set pattern of events help them feel more secure in an increasingly frightening world.
As Becky moved through the morning with her mother, she realized more than ever the lengths her father goes to each day.
“I’m exhausted,” Becky stated. “Is it time for you to lay down for a rest, mom? Oh, wait – that would be me that’s ready to lay down. I am wondering how my 88-year-old dad does this every morning.”
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“My dad really struggles some days being exhausted and watching his wife who he dearly loves slip away. But he’s doing the best he can. It’s unconditional love without a doubt. And I think the epitome of unconditional love. He has just been amazing through all this, they’ve always been madly in love with each other.â€
People like Carl who are caregivers are some of life’s biggest unsung heroes. He truly understood the meaning of his wedding vow 68 years ago, and he will care for Mary Jane “in sickness and in health” for as long as he possibly can.
Please share this story to give Carl and his family a virtual hug.
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